Moving Up

Just after we moved to Chachoengsao, during our first term in Thailand, we had a housewarming party that included many members of the church we were associated with. During that time, we were given Thai names. Phi Chin was given the responsibility to name us. He decided on Mana and Nit. You can read more about the names here.

With our church in front of our Chachoengsao home,
where we first received out Thai names

Along with these names came titles: Uncle and Aunt. Uncle and Aunt are common titles for people who are older, but not quite seniors. So for the past ten years we have been known as Uncle Mana and Aunt Nit.

Now we have moved into a new community in the province of Kalasin. In our first meeting with the small community of believers we are part of, they were trying to decide what to call us. After some discussion, they landed on Grandpa Mana and Grandma Nit.

Enough gray hairs to qualify as Grandpa and Grandma

We are definitely old enough to be grandparents, but  at first it was a little hard to accept this constant reference to our oldness when we are called Grandpa or Grandma. But the nice thing about it, culturally, is that these titles also convey respect, kind of converse to North American culture. (See an earlier blog on this topic here.) To go from Uncle and Aunt to Grandpa and Grandma is an increase in honor. It is a move up.

The glory of the young is their strength; the gray hair of experience is the splendor of the old.
Proverbs 20:29 (NLT)

Thank you, God, for the 60+ years of experience You have given us. Help us to use the wisdom we have acquired to use our lives to be a blessing to others.

How old are you?

Where are you going?  How old are you?

These were the first two phrases out of the mouth of an elderly gentleman as I walked along the rim of the Mekong River in Tha Bo in northeast Thailand.  While it is not unusual to hear these two questions early in a conversation, the second question did come a little more abruptly than usual.

View from the rim of the Mekong in Tha Bo

While these seem like somewhat intrusive questions to those of us from North America, they are not all that unusual here in Thailand. “Where are you going?” is used similar to “How are you?” in our culture.  It is just a question to open a conversation if the hear is actually in the process of traveling somewhere.  Otherwise they may ask, “Have you eaten yet?”

The second question is related to the status system in Thailand.  There are a lot of unwritten rules here in Thailand with regard to how you communicate with and relate to people depending on their status relative yours.  Thai people who do not know each other will quickly try to figure out their relative status so that they know how to behave.  The age question is only used if it is not obviously clear who is the older one.  There may also be questions related to employment, salary, education, etc.

The status thing here in Thailand can be a bit disconcerting to those of us who come from a more egalitarian culture.  But when everyone follows the rules it does add a measure of civility to the culture.  And it is nice to be respected as an older person rather than disdained or deemed irrelevant as is so common in the west.  The saying back in the hippie era was something like, “never trust anyone over 30.”

What is hard for us foreigners is that we don’t know all the rules.  And it is not like you can buy a book that explains it all.  For example, it is standard when greeting someone for the person of lower status to initiate the greeting with a “way” (palms held together below the chin).  But sometimes I don’t know where I stand.  As an older, foreign male with a college education my status tends to be relatively high.  But in language school I have had a hard time trying to figure out what to do.  Typically the student is lower status than the teacher and so initiates the greeting. But what if the teacher is a female, half my age and does not have as much college education as I do?  Fortunately our school tends to not adhere to the rules to closely.
Too add a complication to all of this, things in Thailand appear to be changing rapidly.  Young people are dropping cultural traditions at a rather rapid rate, especially in large cities.  This makes things a lot easier for us foreigners.  When we move to a more remote part of Thailand or when we work in the rural areas we will have to be more careful.

Our desire in Thailand is not to impress people with western culture (many are already enamored with it) but to shine the light of Jesus into the culture.  This is not an easy task.  But we want to say, like the Apostle Paul said, ^“I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some.” 1 Corinthians 9:22 (NIV)