Top 12 2020

This is my usual review of the year by looking at my favorite photo from each month. It is a bit different this year because there are no photos from Thailand. This was not how I expected it would be, but with COVID-19, things just did not go as planned. It turns out that Canada and the US have some nice places to photograph as well.

January - Little House on the Prairie

Winter Evening in Barrhead, Alberta

January began as the whole year ended up—not as planned. We anticipated a challenging month as we were preparing to return to North America for a couple of months so there were a lot of things to do to get ready for that as well as challenges related to our visa in Thailand. Then, ten days before we were to leave, Ingrid fell and suffered a concussion. As a result, a lot of prep work never happened. Upon arrival in Canada, things also weren't on schedule, so we ended up switching some dates around and managed to get to Alberta just in time for some really cold weather. Fortunately, I had ordered some winter boots from Walmart, Canada, to be waiting for me when I got there.

We were inside most of the time, but occasionally I would bundle up with whatever warm clothes I could gather and go for a walk. I never did find a good pair of gloves to wear. In that part of the world in winter, the sun sets pretty early in the day. Late one afternoon, I decided to walk to my sister-in-law's house where my wife and father-in-law would later meet us for dinner. Just as I arrived, the light glowing in the windows of their house matched the color that the setting sun had painted the sky. The warm colors seemed so inviting on the the bitter-cold evening.

February - Morro Rock and Morro Bay with Sea Otters

Morro Bay

After leaving Canada, we drove down to California. First thing on the agenda was a long overdue one-week vacation in Morro Bay. Our hotel room was large and nicely furnished. It even had an air-conditioner. But what it did not have was a heater, and we sure wanted one. Fortunately, there were some nice, thick blankets and we had brought along our winter coats.

We appreciated that the days were mostly sunny. The bay was full of otters and it was the time of year when the mothers would be floating around with the babies on their bellies. The orange-red aloes contrasted nicely with the blue waters of the bay. I stuck my hands between the bars of the fence to snap this photo. Sunny days in winter are my favorite time to visit the Central Coast area of California.

March - Drive in the Foothills of Fresno County

Foothill Wildflowers near Tollhouse, California

By March, COVID-19 was all over the news and travel was restricted. We got word that our return flight to Thailand, scheduled for April 15, had been canceled. We learned new words like social distancing and we began wearing masks in public. Many parks and public recreation areas were closed, but not all. So we took a drive up to the San Joaquin River Gorge to go for a walk—Ingrid's first walk on hills since her concussion. On the way home we turned down some side road I'd never been on before, and we passed this field covered with pseudo-snow (cryptantha flowers). Well worth the detour.

April - California Poppies

California Poppies Near Pine Flat Lake

We got tired of being trapped in the house, so one day we decided to escape to the hills, this time going to the Pine Flat Lake area. A lot of the recreation areas were closed so our visit was confined to places where we could park beside the road. Wildflowers were blooming like crazy. Many other people were out enjoying the flowers, so we tried to pick places to park where there were few or no others stopped. We found a nice spot with just enough room for the width of the car on the side of a hill. It had a southwest exposure and was covered with a blanket of flowers, mostly California poppies.

May - Painted Hills

Hills Painted With Clarkia Flowers Near Pine Flat Lake

Some friends who have an acreage in the foothills invited us to stay in their trailer. They live about a mile past a locked gate off Trimmer Springs Road near Pine Flat Lake. It was the tail end of wildflower season. The earlier blooming species were fading and the late season flowers were in their prime. We left there on May 1st and decided to take the long way back to our temporary lodging in Fresno. This meant heading further away from the city before meeting a side road that would lead us back to Fresno via the Tollhouse area. It was our first time to travel this route. We were glad we made the journey, though, because God had painted the south-facing hills pink with Clarkia flowers, mostly Speckled Clarkia.

June - Big Baldy Trail

Big Baldy Trail

In June we learned that Kings Canyon and Sequoia Parks were partially opened. We took advantage of the opportunity to hike to Big Baldy. They weren't charging to enter the park at that time, but we had to deal with delays due to road construction. It was a beautiful day for the hike. We met very few people on the trail. However we did run into the son of some friends of ours whom we had not seen since we lived in Bakersfield. Back then he was just a kid, now he was out hiking with his wife and daughter.

This was our first high-altitude hiking since 2013, so it was a big workout for our lungs and the five or so miles (round-trip) seemed a lot longer. We had enough energy when we were done, though, to take the long way back through Sequoia Park, Three Rivers and Visalia.

July - Cliff Lake Hike

Cliff Lake in the Sierra National Forest

In July, Ingrid went to visit her family in Canada. I made three trips to the mountains, which ended up being my last trips for the year because later everything was shut down due to the wildfires. The last hike I made was to Cliff Lake. The trail head is near the north end of Courtright Reservoir. One of the reasons I picked this trail was that I wanted to see if the Tioga Gentian flowers were still blooming where I remembered seeing them on one of our first trips to the area about fifteen years earlier.

There were quite a few people camping by the lake, but I headed past all the tents to the far end of the lake where I remembered seeing the flowers so many years ago. It took me a while to spot them as they are low growing and not very flashy. It was nice just to rest and eat my picnic lunch and wade out into the cool waters of the lake.

From what I can tell looking at online maps, a good portion of the trail on the way to the lake was burned over by one of the many wildfires this past summer. So the next time I go back, it may not be as pretty. It appears the area around Cliff Lake was spared, though.

Tioga Gentian

August - Day Trip to Montana de Oro State Park

Mossy Oaks in Montana de Oro State Park

My wife's trip to Canada got extended a couple weeks. During this time, she made several outings to lakes and parks with her father. As Ingrid would describe her outings to me over the phone, I got itchy britches, wanting to make a trip to see some water. So one day, I got up very early to go to Montana de Oro State Park in San Luis Obispo County. My goal was to hike a loop trail that Ingrid and I visited in 2009. Starting at Spooner's Cove, I hiked the Valencia Peak trail, but turned off about half-way up and took the trail towards Oats I ended up on a different trail, this one was a new one put in to accomodate mountain bikes, of which I only saw one. It was quite foggy, so I did not get to enjoy what were probably some fantastic views along the way.

After Oats Peak came the part I was really looking forward to. I remembered from my previous trip that the trail passed through a grove of gnarly, moss-coved oaks in a scene that looked like it came from some fantasy movie. I was not disappointed. One thing I had forgotten about, though, was all the poison oak. Because this section of trail gets little use, it is a bit overgrown and the poison oak plants appeared to be reaching out to get me as I walked past. I did manage to escape its grasp, though sometimes I had to resort to tricky moves to do so.

Most of the trail down was quite steep, and I'm glad I brought my walking sticks to help keep from falling. The last thing I wanted to do was face plant in a poison oak covered rock. Once I reached Coon Creek, the going got a lot easier. The trail was generally flat, except for the last part where it appears we had to exit over a hill due to a land ownership change along the creek. I then walked straight out to the ocean and followed bluff trail back to Spooner's Cove, stopping to eat my lunch along the way. Altogether, probably about a 12-mile hike. I was finished early enough so that I would have time to detour to Gopher Glen to buy some organic apples on the way home.

September - Red Fox

Red Fox

At the beginning of September we moved into another house in Fresno. This house we were sharing with a Paraguayan family who was also stuck in the US due to COVID-19 issues. Across the street to the south used to be an orchard, but now the land was bare as it awaits a crop of houses to be planted. A red fox lives in the neighborhood—I think it probably sleeps in the small amount of undeveloped land behind our house. Most of this area is rapidly being developed and the fox has an ever diminishing area in which to hunt food. I'm guessing he spends a lot of time looking for gophers and ground squirrels in the yet-to-be developed fields. For water to drink, the fox availed himself to the puddles that get left behind by the irrigation sprinklers, as he was doing when I snapped this photo from the kitchen window.

October - Anniversary Trip to Morro Bay

Long-billed Curlew on Morro Strand Beach

At one point, I had been dreaming of making a trip to New England for our anniversary. But we were in the midst of two online courses and it seemed a bit of a stretch to combine the studies and the travel. So we opted for and overnight trip to the coast. No strenuous hiking on this trip, just strolls along Morro Strand Beach mixed with Zoom calls for our couses. The migratory birds had started to arrive, mixing in with the resident species on the beach. At one point, there was a large flock of Royal Terns and Elegant Terns hanging out in a quiet area of the upper beach. Sanderlings, Marbled Godwits and Long-billed Curlews were chasing the waves looking for snacks. Amongst the curlews, I noticed this cute couple hanging out together, kinda like us on our anniversary.

November - Sunset in Madera County

Madera County Sunset

Even though we are living in the same zip code as we always have in Fresno, we are in a different part of the city and that means we have to figure out different ways to get places. It also means we get to explore different roads. Late one afternoon, we decided to take a break from COVID captivity and go for a drive. We meandered more-or-less north, trying to see if we could get to the San Joaquin River. I purposely did not use a map or GPS to maximize opportunities for seeing new sights (that's a euphemism for "getting lost"). We took one road that headed due north—which was the way I wanted to go. There was no street sign to give me a clue as to where it might end up. Just about when I thought we were getting close to the river, the road turned right and wandered generally east. Eventually we got to a place I recognized just south of Table Mountain Casino. We drove past the casino and parked near the bridge below Friant Dam and wandered the paths by the river for a while. Leaving there, we continued north into Madera County and then west towards Highway 41. We got to Highway 41 just as the sun was setting, so we parked at the convenient Park-and-Ride lot to watch the sun go down behind the trees.

December - Day Trip to Lake Isabella

Reflections in the Kern River

We had really hoped to make a multi-day trip to Kern County to visit my cousins and do some hiking by Lake Isabella. But with COVID numbers just going crazy, we figured we'd try to more-or-less comply with government guidelines about avoiding people and crowds. So we opted for a day trip, as there were some things I needed to get from my cousin's daughter before we head back to Thailand. On the way there, we were treated with a rare sighting of a rainbow over the lake. By the time we headed back, the sun was low enough that the canyon was mostly in the shade. We pulled off to enjoy some last views of the Kern River for a few years. We happened to stop where there was a short path down to a beautiful reflecting pool in a tranquil section of the river. Apparently, this quiet spot has a different character in the spring runoff season as there was a memorial to a person who died there this past year.

We lingered at the river for a while, trying to savor the moment. Memories come back of the many trips I made in through this canyon. Memories of a bygone time when California was so new to us and full of hopes, some which came to fruition and some which died difficult deaths. Memories of a time when my cousin, who was such an inspiration to me, was still alive in this world. So much has happened since we first drove through that canyon 27 years ago. I want to cherish the memories there by the river while I have opportunity, for life will move on and God has some new memories that He yet wants to make in our lives next year.

Beautiful Colors

Are you going to leave anything behind for us to remember you by? Here, you can use our daughter.

My Haitian co-worker and I were visiting a family in a village in the hills above Saint Marc when the mother made this comment. It was an awkward enough question to begin with and it was made even more so by the fact that this daughter that the mother was referring to was engaged to be married and we had already been invited to the wedding. Clearly we needed to do some teaching. But the question remained, why would the mother want me to have a baby with her soon-to-be-married daughter? This wasn't like the girls who where eyeing me—an eligible bachelor at the time—as a way to get out of poverty. The mother knew I would be leaving the country in a couple months, which was why this topic even came up.

At the Wedding

It was about skin color. If someone had a child with a white person, there was a chance the baby would have lighter skin, and lighter-skinned people were felt to be at economic advantage even in this overwhelmingly black country run by black people.

As foreigners, we were used to being called blanc, which literally translates as white, although the term was used to refer to foreigners regardless of skin color. White was associated with foreignness and foreignness meant money and power, two things desperately lacking in that impoverished land. And while many saw hope in pale skin, I saw the beauty in their dark faces and the ugliness of the foreigners who often used their power and money to exploit the poor. It took a lot of moral character to not do that, especially when there were such easy opportunities for sex and abuse of power just because one had white skin.

This incident probably marked the beginning of my learning about the relationship between skin color and power; I realized that I had to be careful so as not to abuse that power. It isn't always easy and I don't always succeed.

Skin-color issues are not always simple to understand. Living in Thailand for the past while, I've been amazed at the number of skin products that have whitening properties. I'm challenged to find deodorant without bleaching agents. There are even whitening products to use in places where the sun doesn't shine! I hear girls bemoaning the fact that they are not beautiful because, among other things, their skin is too dark—even when it isn't as dark as my tanned skin. Teenage girls we know have shared a post on social media that says, "what guy would love a girl with small breasts and dark skin?" Their ideal of beauty comes from the very light-skinned models that they see pictured in magazines and on the internet. And these models are usually Asian, not European.

In Thailand the idea seems to be that since you get dark skin by working under the hot sun, if you have light skin, people are less likely to see you as an uneducated, unrefined hick. The term, "from the country," is not a compliment. And it is not just color that matters. Beauty and handsomeness are seen as signs of good karma, and whiter skin is part of that. The better-looking you are, the better your chance of getting a good job. I once saw a job posting on a bulletin board in the shopping mall for a "young attractive female." I expected it to be about selling beauty products, but it wasn't. It was an ordinary job staffing a sales booth and they were looking for eye candy. At least they were open about it.

We humans get so hung up on outward appearances. It is sad to me that the young people in Thailand find it necessary to try to have paler skin in order to have better job opportunities or to get a boyfriend or girlfriend. Why should that matter? Why should pale skin be a ticket up or a pass to get into the right crowd? Why can't people be fully accepted and integrated into society as they are with whatever skin color God gave them?

For me, one of the challenges of working in Thailand is understanding the complicated relationships between status (and all the things that go with that) and color and power. Unfortunately, skin color is one of those things that fits into the status equation. In my western egalitarian mindset, I don't want people to agree with me or defer to me just because I am higher status. It can be hard to get an honest opinion sometimes because people may outwardly agree with me just because I appear to have higher status. And I have to be extra careful that I not use my inferred power (white skin) to try to take advantage of people. (There is also discrimination against us due to skin color, but that is another story.)

This past year, we have been back in the USA, stuck here because of COVID-19. This has given me opportunity to be in America when issues related to skin-color are in the news and the topic of many conversations. I find I still have a lot of learning to do. Over the years, I've had black co-workers, supervisors and friends but I had not really thought much about the extra challenges they face due to their skin color. It shouldn't matter, but it does, and that bugs me.

I think it is especially troubling when there is racism and classism in the church. One of the characteristics of the New Covenant ushered in by Jesus is that there is no longer room for an "us and them" mentality. Prior to that it was acceptable for Jews to keep separate from non-Jews. But now those barriers are removed. Paul writes in Colossians 3:11 (MSG)

Words like Jewish and non-Jewish, religious and irreligious, insider and outsider, uncivilized and uncouth, slave and free, mean nothing. From now on everyone is defined by Christ, everyone is included in Christ.

In Christ we are all baptized into one body:

For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. (1 Corinthians 12:13 - NIV)

There is no place in the church for division based on outward appearances. There is only one Holy Spirit, how can we then try to exclude or treat differently those who who share in the same Spirit?

A big challenge is that often disparate treatment of others happens unintentionally. We may not be aware of how our words or actions affect others. I've learned from experience that the way I perceive things may not be the way they are perceived by others. So, how can we know? I figure the best way is to ask—to invite people of color into conversation about these issues without getting defensive if the conversation becomes uncomfortable.

I like the words Jesus gave to His disciples:

Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples. (John 13:35 - NLT2)

When I read this, I like to picture a gathering of people from many different language and ethnic groups where each person's unique culture would lend to the character of the group. This miraculous display genuine love by the power of the Holy Spirit would become the distinctive of the church in the eyes of the world. How beautiful that would be. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we heard things like, "They must be Christians, look at how they get along with each other and treat one another even if they are so different and have so little in common."

Are we there yet?

White Christmas

The other day I was dreaming about dreaming about a White Christmas. Then I noticed it was on Netflix. The movie, White Christmas, that is. So after a brief hiatus (the last time I saw the movie I think all the original cast were still in show business) we watched the movie. I think it was the first time Ingrid saw the movie.

I long since stopped associating Christmas with snow. Palm trees are a fine substitute for spruce and fir, in my mind. And if the evergreen tree outside my front door happens to be a mango, that's okay, too.

Many years we've had our white Christmas due to the fog. And I was hopeful because we've had some really thick, persistent fog earlier this week—even hanging out into the evening so much so that we couldn't see the "Christmas Star" phenomenon on Monday. But then, the Grinch conspired against us with a low pressure system to take away our white Christmas.

So he thought.

Because I found a White Christmas in our front yard. No shovels, blowers or baby Deeres needed (that last one is for my cousin).

White Chrysanthemum

White Rose

White Narcissus

Merry Christmas

What Time is It?

When we first moved to Thailand, we were studying the language in Bangkok. There weather was hot and humid all the time. Except when it was really hot and really humid. Sweating was unavoidable. And while I couldn't avoid having water dripping from all my pores 24 hours a day, I could at least attempt to not smell bad. Most days that meant taking at least two showers.

But sometimes, even after my shower, I still smelled bad. It took me a while to identify the culprit: my watchband.

My Little-Used Watch

 So I started washing the sweat out of my watch band every few days. But even that wasn't often enough. So after years of wearing a watch, I ditched the habit. I figured I could always check the time on my phone.

Not that it mattered a whole lot. Life in Thailand is a bit different than life in North America.  One of the things that we notice is that people, especially in rural areas, don't seem as time-conscious. Things happen when they happen. Many people are farmers or are self-employed. Time is not so much of a factor. You do things when they need to be done. Sometimes people sport large and/or fancy watches more as a fashion accessory. They may not even be functional.

As for my watch, it normally sits in a drawer in my bedside stand in Thailand until we go traveling out of the country.

It was the same way when we lived in Haiti many years ago. The people of Haiti, at least at the time we lived there, were not very time-conscious. They arrived at places when they got there. So it seemed ironic that one of the few English phrases people knew was, "What time is it?" People would ask us that question, often not knowing what it meant.

No Timepiece Needed
Le Marron Inconnu blew the conch to signal the right time
Port-au-Prince, Haiti

These days, if I hear the question, "What time is it?" I might respond, "Depends. Who's asking?" It's not because I might want to give a duplicitous answer to some people. It's just that in this day and age we find ourselves conversing with people all over the world scattered across time zones. The other day we were trying to join a Zoom meeting and for some reason we couldn't connect. Then we remembered that the meeting was in our time zone, whereas the Zoom meetings we usually arrange are one hour ahead of us. We had not been able to join the meeting because it hadn't started yet; we were an hour early.

Then there is the challenge of switching time zones. When we are in Thailand, we get used to subtracting 15 hours (or 14 during savings time) to calculate what time it is for our friends on the west coast of North America. But then we move back to the west coast, we need to remember to add 14 or 15 hours if we're making an appointment to meet our friends in Thailand online. And sometimes I get that messed up. (These days I get lazy and put things in Google calendar in the time zone of the person I'm communicating with and I let Google put it right time zone for me.)

Clock Tower in Chiang Rai
also a fashion accessory
(lighting is used to continually change the color)

Sometimes I wonder, since God exists outside of time, how does all this work for Him? How does God view time? If I ask God, "What time is it?", How would he reply? Is God's sense of time linear, or is it all kind of mixed up together? Fortunately, there are some references to time in scripture.

At Christmastime we celebrate something that happened at just the right time. As we read in Galatians 4:4 (NLT):

But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law.

A Timely Birth

Jesus came into the world at just the right point in history—at the right time. God somehow knew that the culmination of whatever things needed to happen had finally happened. It was time. Time for the Messiah to be born of a virgin in a humble birth witnessed by livestock and shepherds. But that was then, what about now? What time is it now?

According to the apostle Paul, now is the time of salvation. As we read in 2 Corinthians 6:2b (NIV):

I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation.

In this time period between when Jesus ascended to heaven and when Jesus will return again is the opportunity for living souls to receive salvation—it is the time for us to come to Jesus by faith and receive eternal life. When we die, it is too late. When Jesus returns, it's too late. Now is the time.

And one day, at just the right time, Christ will return:

For at just the right time Christ will be revealed from heaven by the blessed and only almighty God, the King of all kings and Lord of all lords. 1 Timothy 6:15 (NLT)

God, thank you for sending Jesus into the world at the right time. Each Christmas we celebrate an historical event that happened at the right point in history. And we thank you that in the meantime, we have opportunity to receive salvation. We also look forward to the time when Jesus will return again to this earth you made.

What's it worth to you?

I was re-reading a recent blog and I was looking more closely at this photo I used.

Water Buffalo Skin

The photo was taken in the Lao market in Phon Phisai. Pictured is water buffalo skin cut in strips. What caught my attention was the price. One hundred twenty baht per kilo. That's about $2 per pound! And the strips of skin still have to be processed before they're edible (I use the term loosely). You've heard of steak that's as tough as leather--well this is just plain leather. Two dollars a pound for some very chewy "meat". Would you pay it?

I've eaten this once before. It was the most awful tasting thing I have ever eaten. I don't know if it is always like that, but the stuff I had tasted like it had been out in the sun a few weeks to long. Usually, if something tastes bad, I try to swallow it quickly to get it out of my mouth. That's not going to happen with this kind of food, because you have to chew it a long time before you could possibly swallow it.

As much as I don't understand it, people are obviously willing to shell out what is in my mind an exorbitant amount of money for these strips of hide. What would it be worth to you?

Sometimes people are willing to pay what seems a very unreasonable price for some things. Last summer I saw a sign posted offering $800 for the return of a lost dog. Eight hundred dollars! And it's smaller than a cat! With so many stray and unwanted dogs around, why does one pay so much for one? To me, that seems a very unreasonable price. (Sorry, dog fans, I just don't understand.)

Lost Dog Reward

Who sets the price for something? How does one determine what something is worth? What is a reasonable price to pay?

I'm thankful that Jesus was willing to pay what seems a very unreasonable price for something. He was willing to pay with His very life the price to give us not-so-good humans eternal life in heaven. The apostle Paul wrote:

When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. Romans 5:6-7 (NLT)

Did he get a good deal? Are we worth it? 

Would you do that? Would I do that? Would I be willing to give up my life so that my enemy might be able to receive a very nice reward that he does not deserve?

The example of Jesus tells us that no price is too high when it comes to giving people the opportunity to spend eternal life in heaven with God. But I can be stingy. Sometimes I don't want to sacrifice my comfort to reach out and offer people the love of Jesus. I'd rather pay someone else to go share the gospel in difficult places than go myself. It can be hard for me to give up watching a TV show in order to spend time praying so that the good news of Jesus might be brought to those so desperately in need of it. It's much nicer enjoying a meal in my home than going to share with someone scrounging for food out in the cold. All too often, these people just don't seem worth the expenditure of my time, energy, or money.

At the same time, I am grateful for those who sacrificed so that I might come to know about the tremendous love of God through Jesus Christ. Some people thought that this self-centered person living an ungodly, hedonistic lifestyle was worth it.

God, help me to place the same value on the lives of my fellow humans that you do.

Christmas Confusion

One of the memories of my childhood was winters with lots of snow.

Christmastime in New England

At Christmastime, we would go to the Christmas tree farm down the road and we would wade through the snow to find a tree as tall as my dad.

Our 6-Foot Tall Tree

My brain still associates Christmas trees with snow. And so when I see the Christmas tree in the house where we are now staying and the golden leaves on the mulberry tree through the window behind it, I get a sense that something is off—something is out of place—something is not as it should be. I see both fall and winter at the same time, and my brain is confused.

Christmas Trees and Yellow Leaves

This year I think the whole world has felt that way. Whole economies are shaken by COVID-19.  Social distancing has redefined how we do relationships. Systemic racism has given rise to protests and riots. US Elections have turned into a political circus. Like my snowless Christmas tree, something seems very off. Can we please just have some normal?

Christmas is the time we remember Jesus coming to tell us that same message—that something is off—something is not how it should be. The world is marred by sin. Everything is affected. All relationships suffer from sin's poison in our lives. We weren't designed for this. We were designed for an intimate life with the Creator in a world unstained by sin. We were designed to have relationships without conflict and worlds without war. But everything is broken and needs to be fixed. So God sent His Son, the Prince of Peace, so that we can have a restored relationship with God and with each other.

For to us a child is born,
   to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon his shoulder,
   and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor,Mighty God,
   Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Isaiah 9:6 (ESV)

So if things seem unusual this year—if things seem out of place—we need to remember that the world has always been that way. It's just that this year many things have happened to remind us of just how broken this world really is.

Christmas comes at a good time. We could use a little reminder that Jesus came into the world to show us how different things can be. We may not attain to it in our lifetimes, but when Jesus comes back, He will show us what normal is really like.

The wolf shall dwell with the lamb,
   and the leopard shall lie down with the young goat,
and the calf and the lion and the fattened calf together;
   and a little child shall lead them.
The cow and the bear shall graze;
   their young shall lie down together;
and the lion shall eat straw like the ox.
The nursing child shall play over the hole of the cobra,
   and the weaned child shall put his hand on the adder’s den.
They shall not hurt or destroy in all my holy mountain;
   for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the LORD as the waters cover the sea.
Isaiah 11:6-9 (ESV)

Strange Fear

It's been my practice to read though the Bible on a regular basis. Each time I do this, I choose a different Bible translation to use. This time around, I've been reading The Complete Jewish Bible.

One of the things that's nice about reading in different translations is that variations in renderings will cause different things to stand out. Recently, I was reading Hebrews 13:2 where it reads, "don't forget to be friendly to outsiders." Most other translations use the term "show hospitality," and that was the way I had remembered this verse. This caused me to do a little research on the term "be friendly" or "show hospitality."

The term "show hospitality" comes from one Greek word: philoxenia (φιλοξενία) which is a noun meaning hospitality or love for/to strangers. This term is used in the the following verses:

Romans 12:13 (ESV)
Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

Hebrews 13:2 (ESV)
Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

There is a similar adjective also used in the Bible: philoxenos (φιλόξενος) meaning hospitable or given to hospitality. This term is used in the following verses:

1 Timothy 3:2 (ESV)
Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,

Titus 1:8 (ESV)
(of elders) but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined.

1 Peter 4:9 (ESV)
Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.

Both of these terms come from two other Greek words:

philos (φίλος) and adjective meaning: loved, dear, befriended, friendly, kind; you might recognize the Greek stem in the name of the city Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love.

xenos (ξένος) an adjective meaning: strange, foreign

To summarize, there are five verses in the New Testament that suggest that we should be friendly, kind or loving towards those who are strange or foreign to us.

When I saw these Greek terms, I was reminded of another Greek word that has made its way into the English language but was little used until our current president came to power: xenophobia. Xenophobia combines the Greek term xenos (strange or foreign) with phobia or fear.

Statue that tries to elicit fear, in this case fear of suffering in hell

Xenophobia is kind of like the opposite of philoxenos or philoxenia, it is the fear of things strange or foreign. It seems almost normal for politicians to say things to make us afraid of uncertainty or the unknown—with the premise being that they are the ones best suited to deal with these things. In the past few years some have emphasized being afraid of people who aren't like us white folk: Mexicans, black people, Asians, you name it. Others make it seem like people with white skin are the ones to be feared.

I have written elsewhere of how racism is often a symptom of underlying fear. We can be afraid of people for lots of reasons. Maybe we've heard stories about how differently-colored people are violent, and without questioning the veracity or context of the stories, we are afraid. Maybe we're afraid that we might lose our jobs to people of a different race. Maybe we're afraid that if we try to make friends with other-colored people, we might have to confront the truth about ourselves, our biases and our sinful attitudes, including why there was never a reason to be afraid of them in the first place. In other words, we're afraid we might be wrong about them. The list could go on.

As the verses above show, xenophobia has no place in the church. Xenophobia is not a fitting character quality for Christian leaders. We are to welcome the strangers, not be afraid them. I admit I have an advantage here because I'm the kind of person who is drawn to people and things exotic and foreign. That's one of the reasons I've been able to live much of my adult life in other countries among people of different colors and languages. Even my wife was a bi-cultural and bi-lingual citizen of a foreign country when I met her and her foreignness was part of why I found her appealing.

Could I overcome my fear of strange food to eat this?

Even so, I am not immune to xenophobia and I have to be careful not to let it creep into my life. When I am bombarded with messages that try to make me afraid of a certain class of people, I have to make sure I am not sucked into that way of thinking.

I also have to watch out that freak experiences don't affect me in a negative way. One time someone tried to rob me at knife-point. It happened to be a black person but it just as well could have been a white person, I just happened to be in a predominantly black neighborhood at the time. I remember feeling afraid of black people for a several weeks after that—even while feeling guilty about feeling that way at the same time. It made no sense for me to have this fear, because I had already spent eight years living in a country that was 98% black and never had any problems. I had worked for two years in Alabama with a black supervisor who was as competent and professional as any white person I have ever known. Yet Satan was determined that I let one little incident try to twist my thinking.

Xenophobia is not from God. In fact, God sent his Son to a foreign place (from heaven to earth) where he showed love even to those determined to kill Him. Jesus was the ultimate example on how to live a life characterized by philoxenos, and we should follow his example.

Cousins

Genealogy is a popular thing these days. There is something exciting about doing some detective work to research who your ancestors are. And now, affordable DNA tests can shed a little more light on your genealogical research.

When you've done your research, you can boast about your pedigree with phrases like, "Queen Elizabeth is my nth cousin x times removed."

The thing is, by using that formula, you can demonstrate that just about everyone who has ever lived who is not in your direct lineage (ancestor, descendant, sibling, aunt, uncle, niece, or nephew) is your cousin. You may just have to use some large numbers for n and x. You just have to go far enough back down you family line—maybe as far as Noah, or Adam, or, if you don't like the Biblical accounts, whoever is our first Homo sapiens ancestor couple.

Everybody is your relative. It doesn't matter if they share the same skin color or language or ethnicity. We're all related to each other. We're all family.

I was recently going through some old photographic slides and I found this photo I took of a billboard back in the early 1980's when I was living in Alabama:

I don't want to get too nit-picky about the commandments that were chosen for this billboard or the choice of commandments chosen to place over each person other than to say with a caption that talks about worship, I find it strange that the first commandment is not listed.

What struck me was that at the time, and particularly in the South, the idea of worshiping together with people of different ethnicity was almost unheard of. Even in recent days I have often heard the quote, "Sunday mornings are the most segregated time in America."

What I like about the billboard is the first part of the caption: Love thy family.
My family. My brothers and sisters and cousins of every shade of color and who speak one or more of 6500 different languages scattered all across the globe.

In these days in the aftermath of the George Floyd killing, we are hearing many stories about how people of color are looked upon differently and treated differently, and not in a good sense. It breaks my heart to hear about such things happening in my family. Because ultimately, George Floyd is a distant cousin of mine. And what's sad is that Derek Chauvin, the guy who knelt on his neck—well that's also another distant cousin. I suppose such violence between cousins should not be surprising when even siblings can sometimes get so upset about trivial things that they don't speak to each other.

For the past several years I have had the privilege of working with distant cousins in another country whose language and culture differ drastically from mine and whose skin color is a shade or two darker. I've learned how easy it is to offend, or be offended by, people I love due to misunderstandings in language and culture. And when these offenses have happened, we've had a choice to make. We could hang onto the offenses and let them simmer until we do something stupid and/or violent. Or we could take a different path involving humility, grace, forgiveness and reconciliation. The latter choice is not always easy, in fact, it can be very difficult. It's often easier to hang onto an offense than to humbly ask forgiveness for where we screwed up. And sometimes I would rather nurture a grudge than forgive someone who has offended me.

I'm grateful, though, that God doesn't struggle so much with these issues. Through the blood of Jesus, He forgives all of our sins—not holding onto grudges. How many times have I had to go to God, for the umpteenth time, for some silly sin I repeated again (redundancy intended). I'm glad God doesn't have a three strikes law, because there would be no hope for me. Jesus, when asked if we needed to forgive people for an offense as many as seven times, said that we needed to forgive 70 times 7 times; but the implication was that we need to be ready to forgive even more than 490 times. (Matthew 18:21, 22)

This same Jesus said that when we pray to God we should say something like: "And forgive us our sins, For we also forgive everyone who is indebted to us." (Luke 11:4 NKJV) In that prayer, we are asking God to forgive use based on how much we have forgiven others. If that is the case, do I want to be stingy with forgiveness?

There is a lot of talk these days about justice. Justice is a good thing, it means everyone gets what they deserve, no more and no less, and all are treated the same. The Bible talks a lot about justice—about not showing favoritism to different classes of people. The prophetical books in particular point out the injustice that was prevalent at the time: the rich and powerful used their money and power to the disadvantage of the poor and the weak. Does that sound familiar? In our day and age people are still treated less favorably because of the color of their skin, or their accent, or the shape of their eyes, or because of their age, or something else. But these people who look, talk and act different than us are still our cousins. Why should they be treated differently?

And while I like the concept of justice, there is another concept in the Bible I like more, and that is mercy. You see with justice, I get what I deserve. And because I'm a sinner, I deserve death. In Romans 6:23 we read For the wages of sin is death. But that same verse also points out the mercy option available in Jesus: but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.(Emphasis mine)

If we're really honest with ourselves, we'll admit that we don't want what we deserve, we want better than we deserve. We want mercy.

One time, King David screwed up really bad. He raped a women and had her husband murdered. If there was ever a case for the death penalty, this would probably qualify, and he knows it. David didn't appeal to justice, he appealed to mercy:

¹ Have mercy on me, O God,
    according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
    blot out my transgressions.
² Wash away all my iniquity
    and cleanse me from my sin.
³ For I know my transgressions,
    and my sin is always before me.
Psalm 51:1-3 (NIV)

James makes a challenging statement about justice and mercy:

¹²  Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, ¹³  because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment! (James 2:12-13 NIV)

Mercy can be sorely lacking. We can be quite hypocritical about justice and mercy. When we are offended or when we stand to gain, we will cry for justice. We shout, "I want what's mine!" or "I want what's coming to me!," but deep down we have to admit we want more than we deserve. However, when the tables are turned, and we are the ones who owe, we appeal to mercy. We want others to pay up, but we don't want to have to pay up ourselves.

So if I am offended or hurt by one of my cousins, regardless of the color of their skin or their appearance or the language they speak, I need to think carefully about how I will respond. And if somebody does something wrong or commits a crime we need to consider our response.The offense may even be so grave that the person deserves to die, according to the law. But that doesn't mean they should be put to death or punished to the max. Instead, we can chose to respond with mercy the same way God shows us mercy.

Especially since they are family.

Clothed in Splendor

Springtime can be very beautiful in the foothills of California. The diversity of wildflowers is amazing. As the season progresses, the composition and colors of the landscape change. Early in the season, oranges and yellows from California poppies and fiddleneck dominate.

Early Season Yellow Flowers

California Poppy (Eschscholzia californica)

Fiddleneck (Amsinckia menziesii) introducing
Twining Snake Lily (Dichelostemma volubile)

Later, varied shades of pink from different species of Clarkia prevail.

Pink Patches from Clarkia Flowers

Speckled Clarkia (Clarkia cylindrica)

Winecup Clarkia (Clarkia purpurea)

Elegant Clarkia (Clarkia unguiculata)

I find it hard to comprehend how all the colors of the rainbow can be combined with different shapes and textures to create a display that excites my eyes, whether viewed from far away or close by. But as majestic and overpowering to the senses as this is, it is nothing compared with the Glory of God. I think even the Psalmist struggled to describe it.

³Declare his glory among the nations,
     his marvelous deeds among all peoples.
⁴For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
     he is to be feared above all gods.
⁵For all the gods of the nations are idols,
     but the LORD made the heavens.
⁶Splendor and majesty are before him;
     strength and glory are in his sanctuary.

¹¹Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad;
     let the sea resound, and all that is in it;
¹²let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them.
     Then all the trees of the forest will sing for joy;
¹³they will sing before the LORD, for he comes,
     he comes to judge the earth.
  He will judge the world in righteousness
    and the peoples in his truth.

Psalm 96:3-6, 11-13

How do you describe God, the Creator of all that is? Every day, scientists all over the world publish papers trying to describe the things God has made and how they all work. Millions of pages are written, yet the job is nowhere near complete. And if it is that hard just to discover and catalogue these things, how can we begin to picture the One who imagined and spoke it all into existence?

How grateful I am, then, that this awesome God chose to reveal Himself to us by sending His prophets and His Son, Jesus, that we might know something about Him. And while we cannot know everything about God—indeed our minds are incapable of such knowledge—yet we can know everything that is important to know.

Thank you, God, for revealing yourself to us by sending Your prophets and the written word they recorded as well as sending Your Son, Jesus, that we might be able to know You.

What is Worship?

Back about 20 to 30 years ago there began something that came to called worship wars in many churches. People would argue about what kind of music to play in the churches. This was serious business and many churches split as a result.

The problem I had with the worship wars was that, in my mind they weren't even arguing about the right thing. Why were they confusing music with worship? Even famed song writer Matt Redman was convicted by this and, somewhat ironically, wrote a song about it called Heart of Worship.

There are two common root words that are translated as worship in the Bible. One of those is to serve (Hebrew ʿāb̠ad̠ (‏עָבַד‎) and Greek latreúō (λατρεύω)).
The other more common term has to do with prostrating oneself (Hebrew sha̠hāh (‏שָׁחָה‎) and Greek proskunéō (προσκυνέω)). 

The concept of prostrating oneself does not seem very common in western culture. Perhaps it is because of our egalitarian bent that is uncomfortable with the idea of bowing to authority.  But it is not an uncommon thing in Thailand. For example, one would not go into the presence of the King with one's head held high, especially not higher than the head of the King.

The same is true in the religious culture. It is a common sight to see Buddhist worshipers bowing as they offer incense or prayers to Buddha. Even the term that Christians usually use to translate worship, namatsakan (นมัสการ) means to prostrate oneself as a way of showing humility and respect. Yet even in Thai Christian circles, the concept of namatsakan or worship has become confused with singing.

It's not that we can't worship in song, but worship is more than that. Jesus said, "God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth." (John 4:24) So if we don't come to God with a humble spirit, you might say that our worship (singing) is not truly worship.

The Heart of Worship
Matt Redman

(Verse 1)
When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart

   I'll bring You more than a song
   For a song in itself
   Is not what You have required
   You search much deeper within
   Through the way things appear
   You're looking into my heart

      I'm coming back to the heart of worship
      And it's all about You, it's all about You, Jesus
      I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
      When it's all about You, it's all about You, Jesus

(Verse 2)
King of endless worth
No one could express
How much you deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath!

Worshipers at Wat Sothon Wararam Worawihan

Storms of Life

Recently I got word from friends that the air quality was so bad where they lived in Thailand that, even with an air purifier going, they were only able to get the pollution levels down to the lower side of hazardous—inside the house.

Smoky air in Northern Thailand

We are currently living in California. Some areas are notorious for air pollution. I remember when we moved here, we heard about this mountain range to the east they called the Sierras. I thought they were telling a joke.

Smog above the oilfields in Kern County

In both these cases, intentional human activities are the cause of the pollution. In Thailand it is people burning forests so that they can harvest a few mushrooms or burning their fields to control weeds. In California, the pollution tends to be from industrial sources or automobiles.

Recently, we had a big rainstorm come through where we are living in California. Storms can be scary things. There can be flash floods, which may result in death or injury. Winds can be violent and destructive. Sometimes, even lightning itself can be hazardous.

Storm over the Gulf of Thailand

One time I was hiking in the Sierras and a sudden storm cam up with hail and rain. Lightning was coming down all around us—which is especially scary when you are above tree line and you are one of the tallest things around.

Sometimes, after a storm though, we get to see a rainbow. In the rainbow we remember the promise of God never again to destroy the earth with a flood.

Rainbow in Fresno

The nice things about storms is that they have a cleansing effect on the atmosphere. I remember after one of our first rainstorms in the Central Valley, California, I looked out the window and thought, "when did they install those mountains?"

Sierra Nevada Mountains views from Fresno

In the Bible we read about several storms. One of the earliest involves a man named Jonah who hops on a boat to take him far away from where is supposed to go. A big storm comes up, and the sailors all fear for their lives. Jonah knows it's his fault the storm is happening. So he tells the crew to throw him overboard (Jonah 1:12), which they were reluctant to do, but eventually they did anyway. (Ever wonder why Jonah didn't just jump overboard? That's another lesson.) God arranges for Jonah a special, private, two-night cruise in a marine-world yacht.

In another story we read about Jesus and his disciples crossing the sea of Galilee and a storm comes up. The poor fisherman can barely keep up with bailing the water out of the boat, but Jesus is sleeping peacefully. The disciples wake Jesus up, thinking he doesn't care about their situation, but he does care, and he tells the storm to shut up--and it does. (Matthew 8:23-27; Mark 4:35-41; Luke 8:22-25)

(I always wondered why Jesus did it that way. He could have just told the disciples to go to sleep, that God would care for them through the storm as well. Could you imagine the story the next day. "We got caught in this huge storm and we thought we were going to drown. Jesus was asleep so we woke Him up and asked him to help us. He just told us not to be afraid and have faith and trust God. Then He went back to sleep. All of a sudden a big wave comes up, it's so huge that when it crashes over the boat, the boat is full of water up to the gunwales. Jesus is still sleeping, but now He was under water. The boat should have capsized, but it didn't. But God miraculously carried us through the storm and we all made it safely to shore.")

There is a third storm that we read about in Acts 27. Paul is one of several prisoners traveling on a ship that gets caught up in a storm. Eventually, the waves toss the ship into some rocks and is is broken to pieces. Miraculously, everyone survives and no one is even hurt. And this was in the days before they had airbags to protect them.

Three different storms with three different kinds of results.

Last week I was reflecting on suffering—the storms of life. It was passion week, the week when Jesus himself had to undergo great suffering.

On a previous occasion the Devil had given Jesus opportunity to come out as Messiah-King (Matthew 4:9). And on another occasion the people were ready to make Jesus King (John 6:15). And yet again on Palm Sunday there was yet another opportunity for Jesus to seize the throne and proclaim Himself as Messiah-King.

And He could have done it. On Palm Sunday; Jesus could have called upon legions of angels and he could have seized the throne and declared Himself Messiah-King.

But then, where would our hope of forgiveness and salvation be?

Jesus knew that the way to glory was the way of the cross. There were no shortcuts. Jesus chose the way of the suffering. And just like a rainstorm can wash away pollution, when Jesus passed through the storm of suffering, He was able to open the way for the world to be cleansed from the pollution of sin.

Our lives can be filled with all kinds of storms. Breakups of relationships. Death of a loved one. Illness. Childlessness. Theft. Hunger. Disease. Loss of home. Loss of a job. We don't like storms. We'd rather have our lives free of them. Sometimes Jesus rescues us from the storm, as in the case with the disciples, and sometimes we have to pass through the storm.

But even if we have to pass through the storm, Jesus will be in the boat with us. We read in Isaiah 43:2:

 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
 when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.  

Even the famous Psalm 23 alludes to this in verse 4:

Even though I walk
  through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
  for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
  they comfort me.

Storms can have a cleansing effect on us. They can refine our character. We read in Romans 5:3-5: Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

And so sometimes for us there are no shortcuts. Our character is often refined by our suffering. As the road to glory for Jesus was through the cross, sometimes God is glorified by our suffering and perhaps even our death.

Currently, the whole world is caught up in a storm called COVID-19. We wonder what will happen to us in the midst of this storm. Is there a shortcut that doesn't involve suffering? Do we get rescued from it or do we have to pass through it? Will I end up being drawn closer to God or will I push God away? When it is all said and done, will I be better or bitter?

Already, our lives are messed up. We cannot do the things we came back to North America to do. And now we are unable to get back to our home in Thailand. We were supposed to arrive there today, but now we don't know when we will go back. This is hard on us. But our suffering is not nearly what  others have to deal with.

My prayer is that, however I have to pass through this storm, God will be glorified through my life.

Translating words AND culture

Not long ago, we stopped at Panda Express for lunch. It was our first time in Panda Express in a few years. I had forgotten about the fortune cookies that come with the meal. After consuming too much Bejing Beef, I cracked open my cookie to find the following:

 

"You display the wonderful traits of genuineness and courteousness."

This isn't much of a fortune, but a statement of character.  How did they know me so well?

All humility aside, I do at least try to be genuine and courteousness.

The problem is that, in some cultures, genuineness is not a wonderful trait to have. We've occasionally gotten into a lot of trouble in such cultures because we are too genuine. What is more valued is agreeableness and calmness. Always say, "yes", even if you don't really mean it. Smile, even if you're angry. Don't say what you think, say what you think the other person wants to hear.

This is really hard for us. Genuineness comes much easier.

I'm surprised that this statement came in a Chinese restaurant as I think they would have similar communication values as Thailand.

The apostle Paul counsels us to "speak the truth in love." (Ephesians 4:15) I would amend it:

Speak the truth in love in a culturally appropriate manner.

And maybe one day, we will be able to communicate without offending someone.

A Prophetic Name and a Vision

It seems like a long time ago.

We had just moved into our rented townhouse in Chachoengsao province and we were having a time of worship and offering our house to God. A large group of people from our church and some fellow missionaries were gathered.

Someone asked if we had Thai names yet, to which we replied that we had not. The task of assigning the names fell to Pee Chin, who offered up the following:

Edd: Mahnah (มานะ) = perseverance; persistence; grit; tenacity
Ingrid: Neet (นิจ) = continued; stable; lasting; regular; constant; durable

When I heard the meaning of the names, I thought to myself, "he doesn't know me". I've always been a better starter than a finisher. Quitting has come easy for me—not so much that I can't finish, but because I get bored and distracted and start something else. If I have any persistence it's because my wife helps me to stay focused.

What I've learned over the past few years is that my name wasn't so much descriptive as prophetic.  During our time of debriefing at the end our term last month, we were congratulated: "You made it! You did it!"

Our previous term had not finished well. And this past term has been very challenging, as was expected. There were several occasions we were ready to pack our bags. But we made it to the end, exhausted, but feeling good about the fact that we hadn't given up. There had been challenges in our ministry and it was important that we stayed and worked through them and not give up.

Thai people, in general, are a lot like me. They are conflict-avoiders. Harmony is a strong value in their society. If there is conflict, one tends to just smile be agreeable (even if the really disagree) or to flee. We had wanted to do the latter on numerous occasions, but we didn't.

Towards to end of our term, there were some people in our church facing conflict. Some were wanting to run away from their problems. I could totally relate.

On our last Sunday in Thailand, we had a prayer time for any who felt they needed prayer for anything. As we were praying, a picture comes to mind. I'm not sure if it was for the church—or if it was a prophetic vision for me.

In the picture in my mind, there is a rugged mountain. At the top of the mountain there is a huge treasure. But getting there is not easy. If you want to get to the treasure, you will have to work hard. There will be times when you will fall. You will suffer bruises and scrapes and maybe some broken bones.

The valley floor is flat. There are smoothing walking paths meandering all over the landscape. And scattered throughout Satan has placed some small piles of coins—not high value coins, more like pocket change. Not enough to thrive, but enough to survive. And from our precarious perches on the mountain, we can look down at any time and see them.

The meaning of the vision was that if one wants to see ministry bear great fruit, one will have to endure trials and suffering. But the enemy doesn't want our ministry to bear fruit. So he has put out these little rewards in plain view to draw us away. His message is, "You don't need to see a large, thriving church of people whose lives have been transformed by the power of the gospel. Be content with a small comfortable family."

Paul wrote: "Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day." 2 Corinthians 4:16 (HCSB)

And again, "So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up." Galatians 6:9 (NLT)

We are planning to return to Thailand in a couple months, but we have no illusion that it will be easy. The last season was difficult, the next may be moreso. But we don't want to quit and give Satan the victory. And perhaps I will grow into my name: perseverance.