Somewhere we once read that two of the ways to get to know a culture are to go to a wedding and go to a funeral. This past week we became very familiar with one of these.
Last Thursday, our next door neighbor, Phawkham, died after a bout with lung cancer.
Phawkham and his wife lived with their only son and two grandchildren. He had been sick some time and had been using oxygen for several weeks. I first knew something was wrong when I saw his granddaughter running home from school with tears in her eyes. Many others started showing up at their house and at 9am we went to see what was happening. He had just died.
It was then that the frenzy of activity began that was to occupy the next few days. Because of the very close proximity of our houses and the fact that Phawkham is a relative of our landlord, it became very much a part of our lives as well.
The rental company was there by 11 am to set up canopies, tables and chairs. The canopy stretched to beneath the eaves of our house.
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| The chairs set up between our houses |
By afternoon, two construction projects were begun. On the far side of their house a gazebo was constructed. Then, between our houses, some trees were cut down or cut back in order to construct a small house.
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| Constructing the house for the deceased |
Throughout the rest of the day and for all of Friday, Saturday and Sunday, many people came to eat (3 meals a day were served to any who came), to assist the various projects, to pay respects to the widow, and make merit offerings for the deceased.
Besides work on the gazebo and house, others were involved in making the various decorations that were to be used on them.
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| Making decorative garlands. The "fish" are made from drinking strawas |
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| Another one of the handmade decorations. Ingrid worked on some of this. |
Still others were at work in the makeshift kitchen behind the house—it seems like there was someone working there almost 24 hours a day.
The widow would be sitting in the main room of the house almost all of the time. The coffin was there, kept in a special refrigerated case that was bedecked with flowers. There were pads for kneeling in front of it for those wishing to offer prayers of merit for the deceased.
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| The widow and son in front of the refrigerated chest containing the coffin |
In the evening, somewhere between 8 and 9 pm, a group of monks would come and offer chants for a while. After they left, the party began. People would hang out and drink until all hours of the morning. The loudest night was Saturday night, with partying going on outside our bedroom window until 4:30 in the morning.
By Saturday morning, the small house was completed. It was filled as if someone were living there. It contained a widescreen TV, refrigerator, mosquito net, fan, pillows and many other things. A side room had a makesift (non functioning) squat toilet, washing machine and a dish cupboard. Some of the kids would hang out here and watch TV.
A white string (สายสิญจน์) was attached to the front of the small house that had been built that ran into the main house where the coffin had been placed earlier. This was to allow the dead person to move out of the main house and into the small one.
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| The house for the deceased. The white "sacred string" (สายสิญจน์) connects to the main house. |
On Sunday evening the gazebo was set on a trailer and brought to the front of the house. The casket was brought out of the case from inside of the house and placed in the gazebo.
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| Placing the coffin on the gazebo |
An altar for offering incense and merit offerings was set up in front of the gazebo. It was also a place for the family to make more formal photos of those who came.
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| Standing by the altar in front of the gazebo |
On Monday, even more canopies were set up across the street, blocking the entire side street. A band was playing traditional music in front of their house. Lunch was served early.
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| The canopy across the street. By lunch time this was full |
After lunch, the string from the small house to the main house was cut so that the dead person could not go back. The trailer with the gazebo was attached to the truck. Two long ropes were extended out from the front of the truck so that the mourners could symbolically tow the coffin to the crematorium.
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| Getting ready to tow the gazebo |
The band moved to a waiting farm truck and started playing. Some people got an early start and drove to the crematorium.
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| Final preparations before the procession |
Once things were in order, the procession began. Two girls led the procession carrying the floral display that held a photo of the deceased. Then came the mourners “pulling” the rope. Then was the pickup truck which had a sound system playing sacred music while it towed the gazebo.
Lastly, the truck with the band followed.
A man carried a long bamboo pole with a fork on it to push up any low hanging wires or branches that might snag the top of the gazebo.
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| Rounding the corner. The bamboo pole is used to clear branches and wires out of the way |
A humorous incident happened when the gazebo had trouble navigating between trees on the side of the road.
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| Trying to navigate through the trees on the side of the road |
Eventually we all got to the crematorium grounds. The gazebo would normally have been rolled under a roofed structure in front of the crematorium, but it was too wide to fit, so it was placed in front.
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| The gazebo arrives in front of the crematorium |
A group of school kids distributed cold water and orange drink to the hundreds that were gathered. It was definitely appreciated on the hot day! They also distributed special paper flowers and pens. The flowers had a small piece of candle attached in order to facilitate burning. The pens had a “scroll” that pulled out containing some Pali words that could be chanted every day.
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| The pens and paper flowers that were distributed |
The first order of business was to take official pictures of select groups of people. Then, a group of people were called up, one at a time, to offer a ceremonial towel for the monks to use. These were placed on a table in front of the gazebo. When they were all piled up, a group of 7 monks came up to receive them. Next, a smaller group of people were called up one at a time to offer a special pedestal with a monks robe on it. These were also placed on the table. A smaller group of monks came up to receive this offering.
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| Monks receiving the ceremonial towels |
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| Monks receiving robes and pedestals |
Lastly, some words were spoken about the deceased. Then the coffin was taken off the gazebo and placed into the crematorium. The widow went up to place her paper flower on the coffin and then she was taken home in a car. Next, all those assembled went to throw their flowers on the coffin. Then then coffin was ignited.
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| The crowd goes forward to place their paper flowers on the casket |
The gazebo would be donated to a park or a school according to the wishes of the family.
Back at the house, the small house was carefully disassembled and placed onto a pickup truck. It would later be brought to a temple and reassembled where it would serve as lodging for a novice monk.
A smaller crowd of people stayed on at the house to help clean up and socialize throughout the night. Cleanup was complete by Tuesday evening and the widow began to settle down to life with a new normal.
It was a privilege for us to be included in all of these festivities, even though we did not participate in the chanting or merit-making aspects. It was a great way to meet new people and it gave us an opportunity to tell how different it was from our Western way of doing things. To some we also got the opportunity to explain why funerals are different for a Christian.
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| Remembering Phawkham-a good neighbor |
