Romans 16:16
Many years ago, when we lived in Bakersfield, the church we were attending closed its doors, so we were looking for a new place to fellowship. This was in the early days of the internet, so the main way to find churches was through the Yellow Pages (r) or newspaper listings.
One day we visited a church in the southeast part of the city. When we drove up, we thought the pink color was a bit out of the ordinary. But it was far more ordinary than what happened next. In this church, everybody greeted everybody else with a hug. There must have been an unwritten rule that you couldn't enter the building unless you hugged everybody first.
I am NOT a hugger person.
I was VERY uncomfortable.
Before we even got inside, we had pretty much decided this church wasn't for us. It was interesting that many of the people in the congregation played the tambourine during the music times, while the pastor played congas. We were grateful that they decided to have an extended prayer time afterwards, which gave us an opportunity to sneak out without having to hug everybody all over again.
Last month we had our annual missionary gathering. One of our fellow missionaries who was there is a hugger. I finally indulged him, but I may have subconsciously tried to to avoid him after that.
I'm good with hugging my wife. I've even got used to hugging family members. And I'm not too bothered by hugging little kids. But that's about it.
Part of my reticence in the area of hugging is related to my personality. Another part is cultural—not wanting send the wrong message—either to the person being hugged or to other people around. One of the things I like about Thailand is that the normal greeting here is a wai (pronounced "why")—two hands pressed together above the upper chest. No hugging. No touching. Not even a handshake. Yes!! I am IN my comfort zone.
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| The "wai" greeting |
About a week after our missionary gathering, we attended an English speaking church in the town of Hua Hin. I think that they must have visited the pink church in Bakersfield. I tried to get away with greeting people with only a wai, but only the teenage girls seemed to indulge me. Everyone else wanted a hug during the greeting time. This was especially unusual in Thailand, where unrelated people of the opposite sex don't usually hug each other in public. We decided to skip eating lunch with the church and snuck out of during the closing song.
Fast forward another week. We are on our way back home and we stop to visit Lai, young woman who had studied English with us back when we were in Wiang Kaen. Our lives intersected with hers at a time that was critical for all of us. Lai was trying to win a special scholarship for which the competition was very tough. We were trying to find a way to reach out to young people in our community. We helped Lai prepare for her scholarship application, which she won. She and some of her friends became key members of our English club, which was a bright spot during a difficult time in our lives.
Now Lai was attending her second year of university and we had not seen her in over a year. She was very excited that we were going to make an effort to visit her. When we met up with her she gave Ingrid a hug. Then, there was an slight hesitation as if she was trying to decide what was appropriate, and then she decided I should get a hug, too. (I was not going to initiate in this culturally sensitive area.) After all, she is like family to us. In fact, we were the first visitors she's had from "home" since she started her studies there. (She is a Christian and ethnic Hmong, and she is on a campus with few, if any, Christians or Hmong people, so she gets homesick sometimes.) No wonder she was so happy to see us!
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| Ingrid and Lai at Kasetsart Kamphaeng Saen University |
So, if I greet you some time, and I seem a little aloof, it's not that I don't like you. I'm just more comfortable to greet you with a wai.
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